Dear Baldy Boy,

Sebelumnya, aku nggak tahu apakah kamu akan membaca ini ataukah tidak. Yeah, I know exactly that you don't have the nature of reading. But, I don't know the other way to say this to you. Mungkin terkesan pengecut, tapi sekarang ini aku memang nggak bisa mengatakannya secara langsung padamu. I'm afraid to hurt you...

Sepengetahuanmu, I already ended my last relationship. Yah, nggak sepenuhnya salah sih. Tapi, kamu juga nggak sepenuhnya benar. Mungkin salahku juga membuatmu berpikiran demikian. Tapi, demi Tuhan aku nggak punya maksud apapun ketika mengabarkan itu padamu. Aku hanya sedang kecewa dengan keadaanku dan ingin berbagi dengan orang lain. And there you were, asking the same question everytime we met. And I answered it without even thinking. Gosh, what have I done??!

Ever since you know it, you keep asking me wether I want to have a relationship with you. I was so so so confuse by what you did. It was just days, and you expect me to have another relationship? Are you out of your mind? Don't you think that I might only playing with you if I accept your proposal? I'm not ready, I said. Then, you said that you'll be waiting till I ready.

Baldy Boy, to be honest, that was not what really going on in my relationship. I thought that I broke up with him, but maybe I haven't. We were just taking days off of each other. There is possibility that we will be together, again. It is up to him, actually, wether he wants to fight for me or not. But the possibility still exists.

According to that, I've been doing some thinking these past few days. Do I really want to get involve in a relationship again, which was taking so much energy out of me? Huhuhu...aku nggak tahu.

Saat ini, aku sedang menjadi manusia yang sangat-sangat kebingungan dengan apa yang ada di depanku. Aku nggak tahu apa yang aku inginkan. Aku nggak tahu apa yang terbaik untukku. Aku nggak tahu apa yang seharusnya kulakukan. In short, my life is pretty messed up right now.

Itulah yang membuat aku merasa untuk saat ini aku tidak seharusnya menjalin suatu hubungan. Aku terlalu malu untuk membagi berantakannya hidupku dengan orang lain. Aku ingin memperbaiki kehidupanku dulu. Aku ingin berkonsentrasi dan menyelesaikan semua permasalahanku. Sampai kapan? Sampai suatu saat nanti aku bisa berdiri kembali dengan kepala tegak terangkat.

But, on the other side, right now I really need someone to share with. Sometimes, I just can't take everything on my own. Sometimes, everything turns out to be so bad. Things just got out of control. It really devastating, you know. And if I don't have someone outside my nucleous family to talk to, I might losing my insanity.

Mungkin itu adalah salah satu simbol kelemahanku, but you know what? I don't care! Yah, aku mungkin nggak sekuat yang semua orang kira, yang bisa menyelesaikan masalahku sendiri, yang nggak butuh bantuan orang lain. I'm not supergirl, I'm just human being, who needs others to take care of me.

Hhh... Tuh kan, aku nggak tahu mana yang terbaik untukku saat ini. I'm in the middle of the road that I don't even know which path I have to take. Hanya satu hal yang kutahu, aku nggak mau menjalin hubungan baru di mana aku harus memulai segala sesuatu dari nol. Capeek!!

Dear Baldy Boy, the point of all of this is, I can't be with you. At least not right now. I'm so sorry. But trust me, I never meant to hurt you in purpose. It's the last thing I want in my life, hurting other people. If I accept your proposal, I might hurt you even more. How would you feel if we were being couple but my heart goes to someone else? You wouldn't want that, would you?

Hhh...I know soon or later I will have to say this to you myself. Because I know very low possibility that you will read this blog (dasar nggak melek baca!! Heuheu...kidding, Baldy Boy! ^_^). But if something happen to me and I can't tell you about this myself, I just want you to know that I never want to hurt you. That's it. End of story.


Sincerely yours,
Me